kinkisharyo - the adventures of the little light rail that could...

kinkisharyo @ 2005-05-06T02:07:00

2005-05-06T06:25:20Z

It's been a long time since I've posted here.

Counseling isn't working. I even now lie to the conselor. I feel like shit. It seems that everybody has their act together, and I'm still stuck. I'm not moving anywhere with my life, and I'm unhappy.
I'm bitchy, whiney, and distracted. I'm about three weeks from getting booted from Queens College. I'm about three weeks from my parents being really pissed with me. I lost $90 to some scam company selling whitner in CA. My current term at work runs out in a week from now. Kids who left in HS are going to graduate and move on to bigger and better things, and I'm stuck at a near sophomore level of college after nearly 4 years.

I'm too tired, too sexually fustrated, too lazy to do anything. :-(

I just don't feel good.

kinkisharyo @ 2004-11-14T02:04:00

2004-11-14T07:27:30Z

Written 11-November-2004 @ 3:02 PM

As I sit here and finish this soda, I look back at today. I spent most of the day napping in my car daydreaming about a weird fantasy world. So while the two classes pass by, I lay in a half-sleepy state thinking about a world that doesn't exist. A world where I have a good career, but I don't know what I do exactly. A world with a beautiful girlfriend/fiancee/wife, but I can't picture her. An alternative me who I can't picture, seems to act like me, but is "improveable". A world where I can have all the sex that I want and not worry about anything. An almost perfect life, and it's so far away. It's where I run to when I need to hide mentally, but I run there all the time. It's where I can be powerful, successful, and happy. The real world feels so empty and harsh, but a world of one-dimensional characters that I can change at will feels very enjoyable. While NPR, Air America, or the BBC World Service are on the radio reporting on the sad state of the world, I'm mentally far away where everybody has everything.

Yet even in this dream world, my own problems haunt me. Why am I alone and still scared of people? Why do I feel unaccomplished? Why am I still obsessed over what people think of the girl that I choose in the dream? Why is the fantasy g/f totally different from the previous girls that I've had interest in? Why am I forced a girlfriend or forced to get married? Why do people think I'm gay in my own fantasy? Is the real world creeping into there? Am I that depressed?

kinkisharyo @ 2004-10-26T02:15:00

2004-10-26T06:18:21Z

Things have been hectic, and things kinda have spiraled out of control, but it's rather easy for that to happen.

So far, transferring to a new major has not been the panacea that I expected to it be. I'm rather lonely at Queens College, and I really don't have anybody to talk to in any of my classes. The clubs and such aren't what I expected, so I really haven't bothered with them. I hate my classes since they haven't been as interesting as I expected. My professors just suck. Plus, I really hate my schedule. It's inconvenient and I'm saddled with an art class that I could really couldn't care about...

This semester has turned into a massive train wreck like every semester. The culprit as always happens to be skipped classes, not doing my homework, going to sleep late, and of course, a general sense of pessimism.

I'm turning 21 soon, I'm unhappy, bitchy, whiny, and depressed. In other words, just another day. :-(

I'm sleepy. Good Night...

The Right Honourable

2004-09-19T06:33:06Z

I've done something stupid.

I think Trish has become tired of hanging around me. She's becoming more and more fustrated about being around me and she's tired of my childish lifestyle. I think she's become bored with me, and maybe she doesn't need me anymore. All of this exacerbated by getting in "trouble" with my mom again for being out late. Now, Trish is aware of my underlying mental issues.

Trish says that I have to act more like an adult and more like a "man" if I want to get anywhere in life and to have a relationship and meet women. She says that women want a man who can "support them" and "back them up". I told her fuck it, I'd rather be alone then to have somebody sponge off me because I'm "strong one". To be honest, isn't that way I didn't develop a relationship with Amanda and why Catherine wouldn't touch me with a ten foor pole? I didn't want to be a "man".

A day that seemed to start of so well ended so poorly.

Me thinks I should stay away from the chats for a while.

Travel to Romantis

2004-09-13T16:30:27Z

Friday: I really should learn to get up much earlier. Maybe if I had waken up a bit earlier, I would have been able to see more of Philadelphia, but I thought Friday wasn't too bad. I finally became acquainted with the NEC and RiverLine on NJT and PATCO, the MFL, Rt 100, and Rt101. The upper portions of the NEC seem much slower than I thought it would be, and now I see why Amtrak is worth it in that stretch. RiverLine was much better than I expected, but comparing it to HBLR would be a little unfair. It really is like comparing apples to oranges. River Line is more like an interurban than a light rail system that pretends to be a heavy rail system. It's a nice scenic ride, but I really do think that it could go a little faster (75 mph would be nice). Connections between PATCO and the NEC aren't as bad as I expected and you only need to cross the street. :-)

PATCO has some of the damn ugliest cars around. PATCO needs to buy new shit NOW. The MFL cars are fast, bright, and they feel like a cross between an IRT-sized car with WMATA or MARTA. The Rt100 cars feel like a cross between a bus and an Arrow III. As for the K-cars on the Media-Sharon Hill lines, they just suck compared to Sharyos. :-)

I've noticed one trend about Philly's transport, it's less pervasive than the MTA, and the fare collection is still in the stone ages, but I'm surprised at how quickly their trains accelerate. PATCO and Rt 100 felt like rocket cars while the MFL and Rt 100 acceleration was slower, but much better than anything in NYCTA. It's so sad to see how NYCTA is painfully slow.

I took some pics, but not too many, but I really do hope to go back there again. Now, back to MBTAville for Green Line Sharyos :-)

Saturday: The party, better than I expected, crazier than I expected, and the planning was slightly screwy, but we made it. Now all I have to do is to get rid of the Canadians...

Sunday: Schlepped down to Brooklyn to find out that my god mother didn't want to go out any more, so I stayed there and talked with her, which in turn made me miss my nephew leaving. He was in a really awful mood, and I felt so angry and upset that I made him unhappy. Later, I went to Trish, and I saw Blazing Saddles, which is a funny movie, but since the movie is "dated " (circa 1976), some of the jokes may go over your head. We also say the Banger Sisters which, IMHO, is a shitty movie not worth watching unless you're really bored. I just didn't find it interesting.

Pleuvoir

2004-09-08T14:49:02Z

It's raining outside.

It's raining inside. I've started at QC with the same issues as before. I've gotten back into the old habits of sleeping late, waking up late, and then once arriving at school late, skipping the class so the professor doesn't see that I'm late. Yes, just like at the last two other schools, I've succumbed to the idea that the professor cares if you come late, but won't care if you're absent. It's rather idiotic thinking, but yet, I still believe in it to this day after watching my educational success go into the toilet. My classes don't really suck. They're all liberal arts courses with some interesting material except for one art class, but I've managed to skip one session in each class so far (and this is the second week of classes). Maybe I should have designed my schedule better, but the choices were limited and eventually, I'll have to get used to waking up early. So while everybody else is dealing with college, I'm here bitching and whining about it.

So two weekends ago, I was in Fire Island with Trish and Allan. I'm too lazy to provide a well detailed report, but I enjoyed it a lot more than I expected. The beach wasn't too bad and it wasn't too crowded. Cherry Grove is a rather small beach front community with small well-maintained homes, and the it's careless, so everybody gets around by walking or with small trolleys to carry larger items. Public nudity is "optional" on the beach, and the community has a well known gay community (but it's not super-gay, there are straight people there). It's a nice place and I wouldn't mind going back, but OTOH, I wouldn't bring my family there...

I sat my ass at home for convention week, and I didn't watch as much of RNC as I did of the DNC. Who really needs to watch several days of hate speech and doublespeak.

Labour Day weekend was a simple trip to Playland in Rye. Same old park, some new rides, not as much fun though since the park is oriented towards younger kids. BTW, it seemed like every black guy up there had a white g/f. I'd love to know how they were lucky.

I guess this summer was never what I planned it to be. No work, no money, no Ottawa, no Boston. Just days sitting around at home and going out to run errands. I do have some role to play in this summer's failure since I sat my ass at home and squandered any good days for photography so I could sleep even more.

I've come to an interesting conclusion. I probably never will have a girlfriend. I'm nearly 21 years old, and I've never gone dating. I've had an interest in many girls, but I have never revealed my interest most of them, and the one that I did tell, I never bothered to go through with it. I'm shy and afraid of people. I don't relate to other people that well, and I don't find "normal people" things interesting. Shit, I feel like I'm watching society from the outside because I can't be apart of it. Some friends tell me to get out of my shell, by it's much warmer and comfortable inside here. People are bugging me to get a g/f but I'm not ready yet. Besides, nobody wants to date an barely attractive, unemployed, whiney, screw up college student. (Plus, there's that "nail fetish", but how many nice girls actually get their nails done? Very few, IMHO, plus I do feel guilty about it.)

Un peu de photos

2004-08-22T06:35:47Z

Some photos...

22 Thermidor CCXII

2004-08-10T07:56:34Z

So what have I spent the summer doing so far? Sitting around home, faking job interviews, phone calls with Queens College, downloading and watching porn, and watching the Amazing Race. My plans to travel to Boston are canceled, I've purposely alienated myself from the chat and the other railfans (which I seem to enjoy doing, by belittling their existance), and I have no money to do anything remotely fun, or to even go on a railfan trip. I probably don't have enough money for film for the opening of the HBLR extension next month. At least I haven't turned this summer into the "Summer of Hate" like I did last summer.

Last summer felt a lot more productive, a lot more fun, and I felt like actually going outside and doing something. I managed to explore three lines on New Jersey Transit, do some photography, get two summer classes done, and have some fun with myself. This summer has been pointless and spiteful. Sure I've gone out with Trish a few times, but I sit around and do nothing all day. Even the once popular chats have become boring and pointless. In fact most of my trips outside of the house are to the supermarket or to drop off Jarvis somewhere.

I'm on the Internet nearly everyday for a good portion of day either involved in watching my porn download, reading so called "relationship advice", articles and newsgroup posts about the balance between men and women. Some sites have mysogynisitc slants that encourage males to "rise up" and stop being slaves to women and to dump female friends to become more masculine, while other websites lean toward feminism and encourage men to stop acting like pathetic creatures, and use some reason and sense. All I've figured out is that my brain is fucked from reading many of these articles, and I that I don't know what to believe. It encourages being alone and isolating yourself from the world because of it's inconsistancies.

To make up for my own inadequacies and lack of self-confidence, I decide the throw rocks in a glass house. So I make fun of the other railfans in varying degree to drive them crazy and to pick at their self-confidence. Of course, why not? It's much more fun to say that they're impotent or gay or pathethic then to actually do something about my own personal problems.

So I'm miserable, and it seems that I'm upset with misery, but I'm too lazy to change the status quo. I feel like such a loser and a bum.

Je Suis...

2004-07-19T21:24:25Z

Nice guys we can do without

Nice guys who think women are a separate species with their own "secret code" and/or vaginas with legs.

Nice guys who expect that their girlfriend is going to be their Best Friend, then their Lover, when they themselves can't even find a way to have any male best friends. Talk about suffocation! No thanks.

Nice guys who think they're making their partner feel good by saying how much they love to listen to her talk, but never add anything to the conversation themselves. You're not making her feel good. You're boring her to death. Stop staring at her with your chin in your hand when you go out to eat. You give her the creeps. She is NOT an animal in a zoo. And it's not HER job to keep up the entire conversation. Her ego is NOT so fragile that she needs to be worshipped.

Nice guys who lie and think that a decision not to call them on their first lie means we're not going to dump them when they do it again. In other words: stupid guys.

Nice guys who make friends with us and then think we owe them something more than friendship.

Nice guys who have no hobbies except sitting around wishing they had a girlfriend like all those cool guys on THE REAL WORLD.

Nice guys who, upon getting a girlfriend, feel they "don't really deserve her". This is insulting. If you don't think you are worth something special, then what you are telling her is that SHE picked a loser.

Nice guys who put women on pedestals. By worshipping her, you objectify and demean her.

Nice guys who think they're the ONLY amateurs in the world at love, and that when a woman doesn't want to have anything to do with them, they're hateful, spiteful bitches who are experts at hurting poor, poor widdle innocent nice guys. Yep, we all read books on how to do it. All girls receive secret, expert instruction from their gym teachers, usually in 5th grade in most school districts, about the ins and outs of love, while the poor nice guys are left to fumble around with no clues.

Nice guys who are too STUPID to figure out any other way out of their so-called predicament except to conclude that they have to become woman-battering heavy drinkers and sports players.

Nice guys who want a beautiful, attractive woman, but do little to take care of their own appearance. We're not talking about being a muscle-bound creep, but fer crissakes get some exercise! Take up some kind of activity or hobby that gets you off your flabby butt. Walk or ride your bike to work; go for walks at lunch; use the stairs instead of the elevator.... Do a coupla situps in the morning before your shower. How can you have ANY stamina in lovemaking if you get out of breath climbing a couple of flights of stairs?

Nice guys who sit there passively waiting for life to happen to them, instead of actively pursing their goals and dreams. With thanks to Kabbibi for her articulate post to alt.romance, which "nice guys" chose to trash rather than LISTEN and pay attention to...

The sad part is that some of those things are true about me...

Filleul

2004-07-19T20:45:45Z

So it's been a while since I last posted something. It's not like that much is going on. It's been at least three or four weeks since the end of summer session, and I've been sitting around the house waking up at 1-something in the afternoon, doing a half-assed job search, and going to bed at 4 in the morning doind and reading questionable and interesting things.

Monday: I visited Trish and watched Bowling For Columbine with Allan and her. It's very interesting movie that makes you question why America is so violent. Even Canada which has similar gun control laws and a similar ratio of gun ownership seems to be much safer than the United States. It's a very enjoyable movie, and I recommend that everybody go out and see it. That night, I finally returned the FM2 and the 50mm f/1.4 to Trish. I really shouldn't have held on it for so long, but I really loved using it. The manual settings were a challenge, but I didn't care since it was fun. Hopefully, all the pictures I took with it will actually come out.

Thursday: Drove back to Trish to pick up my camera and messenger bag. Like an idiot, I left it over there, and I was scared when I realized that I didn't bring it back home. I ended up talking with Allan for sometime and Trish finally met Jarvis. She wasn't in a good mood, and I did exacerbate it by staying there for too long. I'll wait for her to call me the next time that she wants me around because I think I've been hanging out there way too much. Shit, going there every week seems a little too much, IMO.

Friday: Went up to Middletown, Orange County, and prayed. It was the feast day of Our Lady of Mount Carmel, and as a good responsible semi-religious French Catholic, I went with my parents, sat thru a mass, and prayed. After a brief picnic, we went to Woodbury Commons and bought some stuff at discounted prices. :-) The trip was well worth it since I can no finally say that I've been on a future Interstate, Future I-86. I got to see a bunch of roads that I rarely travel on, and I was very happy for that. The new clothes were just a secondary form of happiness. ;-P

Saturday: I schlepped down to Brooklyn to pick up my godmother and I schelepped up to Long Island with her. We went to several stores and we were unable to find a perfectly good quilt. Shopping with her isn't too bad because we talk a lot and we have rather similar political views. My mom was upset since I didn't pick her up, and I did feel guilty about it.

Sunday: Sitting around doing nothing.

Today: Back and forth to the bank.

Traitrise

2004-07-07T00:49:33Z

On Sunday, I went to an OMGWTFBBQ at Amanda's (</a></a>amandanoelle82) out in Islip. This required me to ride the Long Island Glorified Subway from NY Penn Station to Jamaica:-) The BBQ was alot of fun:

Pardon, why wasn't I informed of this? Last I remembered, she was my friend.

In other news, the stock price of friendship has plummeted to it's lowest level since 2002 at 3 cents per share.

More Trishing...

2004-07-01T07:04:41Z

So Tuesday was a interesting day. I managed to wake up at a respectable 10:45 and was able to get out of the house by 12:30 to get to the city. After getting my residency papers notarized, I arrived at 179th Street at about 1 PM or so. After riding for about 15 minutes, I ponder if I left the door unlocked. So, I hop across the station, and rush back to find the doors locked. A good 40 minutes wasted. So I run back the train station to start all over again. My routing was F -> Q at 34th -> 6 at Canal, and I detrained at Brooklyn Bridge-City Hall. I blew thru security at the municipal building, and I was helped by this cute looking Asian girl. :-) Afterwards, I used the public facilities which happened to be the worst that I've ever seen in a public building. The toilets didn't have any doors and the stalls haven't been cleaned for years. The floor had many stains and the walls were grey from the lack maintenance. The sad part is that it would have been a jewel if was maintained. What's also weird is that it's on the same floor as the Building Custodian's office.

Part I of this trip was a simple walk thru downtown. I walked by Foley Square in front of the various Judicial and Federal buildings and I made my way over to Chambers Street where I found a Army Recruiting office trying to get Stuyvesant and BMCC students to join one of the Armed Forces. I also happened bought a Mega Millions ticket which was useless since I didn't win. I soon managed to cross West Street and walk along the bike path taking pictures of the area. I thought I would have been able to see PATH trains, but that didn't happen. I eventually ended up by Battery Park, took some more photos, and I decided that it was time to get back to Queens. I hopped the 4 train back uptown to 60th and I caught the R which was able to catch up with an F that was just abt to close up.

Part II of that day was spent with Trish and her b/f Allan. Instead of driving straight to her house from the train station, I was forced to go back home at the request of my mother. After the standard groomy repertoire, I fought traffic and made it to Trish's house only 35 minutes late. We had a steak BBQ (which is a contrast with Cat's chicken and ribs BBQ), potato salad, and a regular salad. We ate in her backyard and sat there for most of the night until it was too dark to even bother with candles. After conversing about politics and other social phenomenon, we played Crazy 8s. Yuri has finally learned a card game. :-)

Wednesday was just a supermarket/99-cent store kind of day, except, I made an ass of myself in chat, and bitched about how shitty my railway photography is, and how railfans are losers.

Play sausage! Who has the longest?

2004-06-14T20:26:23Z

{length:45}-{nightway}-{w23}-{cherita}-{goldy_kin}-{besyonya}-{alexej}-{ivand}-{ta_tochka}-{gosha}-{candelabra}-{nikon_nlg}-{dziro}-{ven_ture}-{xnrrn}-{allegroconmolto}-{soulscode}-{glassapples}-{traveller}-{shaenie}-{nasturtium}-{bunnybaggins}-{juvu}-{blueathena}-{wyldkyss}-{squidflakes}-{artdollz}-{watery}-{linzee}-{lostaddiction}-{turningred} - {moohcow} - {sessodio} - {been_thinking} - {snaggletooth_ed} - {forky} - {yr_aprtment} - {emperors} - {yummie} - {wiperblade} - {thegreatcreator} - {jjvast40} - {realitysuxgrl} - {asmallwhitecube} - {islandnj} - {kinkisharyo}

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Reina de Westbury, Baronesa de Wellesley

2004-06-12T19:39:21Z

Just by chance, I happened to wake up at the same time that Catherine had called my cell phone. She had plans for a BBQ with her friend Shauna, and she had invited me to come. Of course, I jumped at the chance to meet her and have some good quality time with her. I finally mamaged to get to her house with getting lost or going crazy. Anyways, we discusses many thing, we had fun, and I didn't make an ass of myself or say anything that I would, really, really regret. Of course as always, we gave each other a big long hug. :-)

Cat did invite me to clubbing with her and her friends (I think), but I said no. Normal people find clubbing fun, but I don't. What's the point of listening to loud crappy music, dancing like a moron, and not being able to have a decent conversation with anybody that you meet. You can't even have a conversation with the people that you go with because they're looking for people to dance with. Of course my chastizes me for not going with her, but do I really wanna act like an ass and be miserable in front of Catherine? Sure I've never been clubbing, but I've heard enough about it to avoid it.

kinkisharyo @ 2004-06-11T18:09:00

2004-06-11T22:09:25Z

ScIgUy6586: ::Mumbles profanities under breath::
BklynDQ18A: heh
GrnEggsSam: What's the matter, Shawn?
BklynDQ18A: boredom?
ScIgUy6586: i have 1,000 thoughts going to my head and im playing bve
BklynDQ18A: ok
ScIgUy6586: I do too much for people
GrnEggsSam: So take care of yourself for a bit
GrnEggsSam: And not worry about others
ScIgUy6586: which is why im quitting my job
ScIgUy6586: fuck those little bratty ass kids
frdracaufeu: Um, money > brats
frdracaufeu: Money buys camera!
GrnEggsSam: What do you do again, Shawn?
frdracaufeu: Money buys Amtrak tickets
BklynDQ18A: oh finally leaving them brats eh :-)
BklynDQ18A: how about saving money?
ScIgUy6586: Yuri
ScIgUy6586: The money is no longer worth the stress
ScIgUy6586: I work in a afterschool program
ScIgUy6586: I babysit preteen minorities
frdracaufeu: how much $$$?
ScIgUy6586: 6 bucks a hour
frdracaufeu: keep it...
ScIgUy6586: no
frdracaufeu: just put up with it for a few more months
ScIgUy6586: no
ScIgUy6586: its seriously not worth the stress
ScIgUy6586: Kids that arent mine arent worth it
GrnEggsSam: Only 6 an hour for that stress?
BklynDQ18A: damn then it really got bad
GrnEggsSam: Def not worth it
GrnEggsSam: You could be earning more elsewhere
ScIgUy6586: Which is why im looking for another job
BklynDQ18A: go on strike ;-D
frdracaufeu: lol, in the economy
frdracaufeu: you're a HS student
frdracaufeu: you won't make much more
GrnEggsSam: A lot of place will start you for more than minimum wage
ScIgUy6586: im a future highschool graduate (pending on regents results)
GrnEggsSam: And he's graduating high school, it's different
GrnEggsSam: He's 18, not a 15 year old with working papers
ScIgUy6586: I will be pretty well off as a Janitor
BklynDQ18A: yep
BklynDQ18A: why?
frdracaufeu: then where are these places?
GrnEggsSam: Get your CDL and drive a truck :)
frdracaufeu: Um...no deal
ScIgUy6586: Yuri
GrnEggsSam: There are places out here hiring
ScIgUy6586: do you have a job?
GrnEggsSam: Plenty of places
BklynDQ18A: or for one of those small school bus companies heh
GrnEggsSam: So you can't say that there is nothing out there
ScIgUy6586: Janitorial positions are fairly easy and requires little intelligence or skill
BklynDQ18A: lol
GrnEggsSam: You probably just haven't looked for it
BklynDQ18A: but you still gotta know a little carpentry
ScIgUy6586: a little?
ScIgUy6586: carpentry?
BklynDQ18A: btw..........becoming a T/O, C/R or B/O requires little skill too :-)
BklynDQ18A: depends where
frdracaufeu: okay, I'm looking for something that pays well, and I won't be some servant
ScIgUy6586: Thats completely different. T.Os/CRs/BOs are in a more stressful enviroment
BklynDQ18A: if youwent to public schools for example, you may have to light repair work
BklynDQ18A: ......true
BklynDQ18A: but of course I know you can't tolerate kids lol
BklynDQ18A: so count that out
Chap11ChooChoo: you're loking for a work environment with good scenery
Chap11ChooChoo: looking
GrnEggsSam: Yuri, how many jobs have you had?
frdracaufeu: One, an internship
GrnEggsSam: Good luck finding a job that will pay well right off the bat
GrnEggsSam: I don't think one internship will hold you
frdracaufeu: pay well $10/hr
ScIgUy6586: im good with 7 a hour
Chap11ChooChoo: how manty jobs have you been fired from due to gross negligence or inexplicable incompantence
GrnEggsSam: I get paid $10.50 an hour plus tips
GrnEggsSam: And I've been there 7 years now
Chap11ChooChoo: we all know you make like $30 an hour in tups
Chap11ChooChoo: which you don't report on yuor taxes
GrnEggsSam: But I started minimum wage
Chap11ChooChoo: shit
Chap11ChooChoo: my taxes!
Chap11ChooChoo: i haven't done them yet
frdracaufeu: What tips?
GrnEggsSam: The food bar and such
frdracaufeu: Ohhh
frdracaufeu: me no want work with money
GrnEggsSam: I don't make $30 hour in tips, I only make about $5 a day in tips, but it's light work
Chap11ChooChoo: wow
Chap11ChooChoo: time to quit
GrnEggsSam: Weren't they due a long time ago, Brian?
GrnEggsSam: I just get paid to sit and stare at a computer screen all day
GrnEggsSam: And I work my own hours, take off when I want
GrnEggsSam: It's pretty decent
frdracaufeu: My mom is bugging me to get a job as a cashier or "retail personel" at a store
frdracaufeu: but I won't deal with money
GrnEggsSam: Why quit, Brian?
frdracaufeu: I don't need people cursing at me because I counted money to slowly
frdracaufeu: or gave them the wrong change
BklynDQ18A: its better than nothing though
ScIgUy6586: Im cool with being a Janitor
BklynDQ18A: heh
frdracaufeu: or because I'm a slow cashier
ScIgUy6586: Pays usually good
ScIgUy6586: Good perks
frdracaufeu: I don't need to be somebody's whipping post
GrnEggsSam: It was either get paid jack shit as an intern, or stay at my guarenteed job this summer
GrnEggsSam: But I do websites on the side, and that's where the money is
GrnEggsSam: Yuri, no matter where you go you'll be someone's whipping post
ScIgUy6586: only problem is Job security
ScIgUy6586: The brakes just went out on the R62 im driving
GrnEggsSam: Unless you go start your own company and automatically advance to Go and collect $200
frdracaufeu: besides the Health Food store, who else do you make websites for
GrnEggsSam: The bridal store, a tattoo parlor, my aunt's catering business
frdracaufeu: Your mom runs the bridal shoppe...it doesn't count
GrnEggsSam: Sure it does
GrnEggsSam: She pays me
ScIgUy6586: Yo
frdracaufeu: per month?
ScIgUy6586: how did the brakes just go out on the R62 in BVE?
GrnEggsSam: Per whenever I update
ScIgUy6586: The train wont move
frdracaufeu: how much?
GrnEggsSam: Depends on what I do
frdracaufeu: -> Jealous and Spiteful
ScIgUy6586: damnit
ScIgUy6586: now i must scream into Main Street
BklynDQ18A: so you got a R62 on the 7 eh
ScIgUy6586: yes
ScIgUy6586: and the train wont move
GrnEggsSam: Too bad more fun stuff doesn't happen in BVE
ScIgUy6586: after I just dumped it
GrnEggsSam: Jealous and spiteful of what?
BklynDQ18A: well.........at least its real to a point
frdracaufeu: I used to make webpages, nobody cared
ScIgUy6586: yes
GrnEggsSam: Well, make yourself known
ScIgUy6586: corona cars suck
GrnEggsSam: Post ads or something
frdracaufeu: My designs suck anyways
BklynDQ18A: but they aren't Corona cars anyway [well in real life] ;-D
frdracaufeu: they're copy cats of already existing designs
GrnEggsSam: Then find something else you're good at
frdracaufeu: -> sucks at everything
GrnEggsSam: You don't suck at everything
GrnEggsSam: You just complain too damned much instead of doing something about it
frdracaufeu: and what can I do about it...by the time I actually become decent, either nobody cares, or I'm already behind
GrnEggsSam: Does sitting here complaining about it acomplish anything?
ScIgUy6586: Im 4 minutes late
frdracaufeu: No...
BklynDQ18A: flag them stations!
frdracaufeu: Actually complaing makes me feel good

Primidi Thermidor

2004-06-10T07:09:35Z

So today was the freak 90 degree day, and yet the air conditioning has yet to be installed in my house. So today was hot and annoying, but tolerable.

Summer school has sucked ass so far. I've screwed up the in-class essays. I've yet to turn in an essay yet, and I need to go buy a copy of Pride and Prejudice and read it for the weekend. Then I need to do two more 2hr in-class essays and turn in an research paper based on Pride and Prejudice. I love shitty English Romantic novels. So poorly written and so uninteresting, yet this crap gets passed on by the Establishment as "Literature".

For the past few days, I've had sleep in the 3 to 4 hour range, so I may be a little bitchy and incoherent mentally. Mind you, one night I was just chatting with a woman on Yahoo, and another night I was reading stuff on the Internet. Only one night did I actually attempt to get work done. Of course, I manage to waste huge amounts of time during the day napping or doing nothing.

For some reason, I've just really shut down mentally, and I can't think straight. I can't do anything remotely right, and just trying to figure out stuff is hard. I'm starting to doubt my decision to go to school this summer, or just in this session. I didn't do shit during the last semester, so why do I feel so tired and taxed with a daily 2 hr class? I'm even having trouble creating witty jokes and statements to charm people with.

I have yet to turn in my transcripts from Nassau despite lying about that to my parents several weeks ago. Every lie to cover up a lie ends up creating a new crisis which needs another lie to cover it up. So lying has become rather tiring and uninspiring, and rather dangerous.

So my laziness and stubbornness have caught up to me.

kinkisharyo @ 2004-06-08T02:04:00

2004-06-08T06:04:06Z

kinkisharyo's LJ stalker is fishbowl8v71!

fishbowl8v71 is stalking you because your LiveJournal is just SO damned interesting. They are also mentally deranged!

LJ Stalker Finder
From Go-Quiz.com

Ma Vie

2004-05-29T06:22:07Z

LAST PERSON WHO
x. Slept in your bed: Me.
x. Saw you cry: My Mom
x. Made you cry: My mom.
x. Spent the night with: nobody
x. You shared a drink with: Trish...we had some wine
x. You went to the movies with: I haven't been to a movie in months
x. You went to the mall with: Myself.
x. Yelled at you: Jarvis
x. Sent you an email: nobody
x. You kissed: Nevermind that.

HAVE YOU EVER...
x. Said "I Love You" and meant it? No
x. Gotten in a fight with your pet: No Pets
x. Been to New York: I live here :-)
x. Florida: Nope, to damn hot.
x. California: Not yet, but will go one day...
x. Hawaii: No
x. Mexico: No
x. China: Nope
x. Canada: I fake residency up there, eh!
x. Danced naked: God yes!
x. Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day: Once in a while
x. Wish you were the opposite sex: Not really
x. Had an imaginary friend: Nope
x. Things you like in a girl/guy: Beautiful, caring, undertstanding, sensitive, must love kids, and not be a bitch
x. Do you have a crush on someone: All romantic interests have subsided so far...
x. What book are you reading now: Whatever I have to read for English class this month
x. Worst feeling in the world: Lonliness
x. What is the first thing you think when you wake up: Damn it, do I reall have to go to school.
x. Future daughter's name: Katrina or Anna
x. Future son's name: Xavier
x. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: The stuffed animals are in a bad awaiting a permanent home. I sleep with a blankie. :-)
x. What's under your bed: Old phone, bills, bank statements, video games
x. Favorite sport to watch: Soccer and basketball
x. Current Age: 20
x. Siblings: One older and younger brother
x. Location: Cambria Heights, NY
x. College plans: Trying to get out of Nassau Community College, I should be a junior :-(
x. Piercings/tattoos: Nope.
x. Boyfriend/Girlfriend: I won't look for one, and no girl has expressed interest in me. So I'll just sit around and play lazy and become an old maid for the time being.

EXTRA STUFF
x. Do you do drugs: Unlike Amanda or Chris, I don't need NyQuil. OTOH, would White-Out, markers, or film containers count?
x. Do you drink: Wine every so often
x. Who is your best friend: I really don't have a best friend, but Catherine qualifies as the defacto best friend since I tell her everything
x. What are you most scared of: Death
x. What clothes do you sleep in: T-shirt and sweat pants
x. Where do you want to get married: In a church
x. Who do you really hate: Lots of people...
x. Been in Love: Yes.
x. What type automobile do you drive: 1995 Saturn SL 1 :-)
x. Do you have a job: Nope, too scared and lazy to look for work.
x. Do you like being around people: Depends on my mood
x. Are you for world peace: Yes!
x. Are you a health freak: Not really, but I do try to watch what I eat.

STUFF
x. Have you ever loved someone you had no chance with: Yes
x. Have you ever cried over something someone of the opposite sex did: Yes
x. Do you have a "type" of person you always go after:
x. Want someone you don't have right now: Nope
x. Are you lonely right now: Sometimes
x. Ever afraid you'll never get married: Yes
x. Do you want to get married: Not now, but eventually.
x. Do you want kids: Of course, I promised my mom a granddaughter.

FAVOURITE
x. Room in house: My bedroom.
x. Type(s) of music: I can't figure that out, will somebody figure that out for me, please.
x. Color: Green.
x. Perfume or cologne: Nautica cologne
x. Month: Novemeber, the heart of autumn
x. Stone: Jewlery is teh sux0rs?

IN THE LAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU...
x. Cried: Nope.
x. Bought something: Does gas count?
x. Gotten sick: No.
x. Sang: Yes
x. Said "I Love You": Well besides my parents, no.
x. Wanted to tell someone you loved them: No
x. Met someone new: No
x. Moved on: No
x. Talked to someone: Of course, but then again, do my parents count?
x. Missed someone: Not really.
x. Hugged someone: I love my parents :-)
x. Kissed someone: I love my parents :-)
x. Fought with your parents: and for the last time, I love my parents :-D

*****

LAYER ONE: On The Outside
-- Name: Yuri Abner Etienne Hollande Marie Esterelle Dieujuste, Chevalier de Jeremie, Seigneur de la Grand Anse.
-- Birthdate: 11/03/1983
-- Birthplace: Rego Park, NY
-- Current Location: Cambria Heights, NY
-- Eye Color: Brown
-- Hair Color: Black
-- Height: 5'7.5 (I need that hald inch to be a man)
-- Righty or Lefty: Born lefty, cursed righty
-- Zodiac Sign: Scorpio

LAYER TWO: On The Inside
-- Your heritage: Haitian and French
-- The shoes you wore today: Reeboks
-- Your weakness: women
-- Your fears: lonliness, death, and losing my loved ones
-- Your perfect pizza: Sausage
-- Goal you'd like to achieve: I dunno, maybe to get out of college and to enjoy my future, and meet somebody who'll care about me the same way I do about her?

LAYER THREE: Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow
-- Your most overused phrase on AIM: okay
-- Your thoughts first waking up: Again, "Damn it, do I reall have to go to school."
-- Your best physical feature: I dunno...
-- Your bedtime: 1 to 2 AM
-- Your most missed memory: Doing well in school.

LAYER FOUR: Your Pick
-- Pepsi or Coke: Pepsi
-- McDonalds or Burger King: Mc Poison, only become Burger King doesn't taste that good.
-- Single or group dates: I don't date.
-- Adidas or Nike: Both are made by Asian kids for a few pennies, so why bother?
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Whatever is availible and doesn't make me pee in 5 minutes,
-- Chocolate or vanilla: Both!
-- Cappuccino or coffee: Neither!

LAYER FIVE: Do You?
-- Smoke: No
-- Cuss: Damn Straight, Bitch!
-- Have a crush(es): For all intents in purposes, no.
-- Do you think you've been in love: God, I have damn it...her name was Shaina, now leave me alone.
-- Want to go to college: I'd like to finish college before the world ends, or at least before Catherine does.
-- Like high school: Liked because I had excellent report cards.
-- Want to get married: Yes
-- Believe in yourself: Nope...I hate me, and Myself hates I.
-- Get motion sickness: I dunno...
-- Think you're attractive: I say no, but several women say yes.
-- Think you're a health freak: Nope...
-- Get along with your parents: Of course, I live with them, I need to.
-- Like thunderstorms: Yes, it's fun watching thunderstorms at night.
-- Play an instrument: Nope...Photography is my art.

LAYER SIX: In (in what?)
-- Drank alcohol: Yes, wine, beer, vodka, and scotch. :-)
-- Smoked: No
-- Done a drug: Inhaled friend's marijuna smoke.
-- Made Out: Yes
-- Gone on a date: Nope
-- Gone to the mall: Yes
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: Um, no comment...
-- Eaten sushi: No
-- Been on stage: Yes, once when I was little...
-- Been dumped: No
-- Gone skating: Yes
-- Made homemade cookies: No, but I'll gladly eat yours!
-- Gone skinny dipping: No
-- Dyed your hair: Black men get their hair dyed?
-- Stolen anything: Um, no comment.

LAYER SEVEN: Ever..
-- Played a game that required removal of clothing: No
-- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Nope
-- Been caught "doing something": Almost...
-- Been called a tease: No
-- Gotten beaten up: No
-- Shoplifted: No

LAYER EIGHT: Getting Older
-- Age you hope to be married: First I need to find somebody to marry, then I'll worry about what age to do it at...
-- Numbers and Names of Children: Two or three kids, Katrina, Anna, Xavier :-)
-- How do you want to die: Happy
-- Where you want to go to college: UMD-College Park, Class of '06
-- What do you want to be when you grow up: I've been in college for three years, and I still don't know.
-- What country would you most like to visit: France

LAYER NINE: In a partner
-- Best eye color?: Non-red eyes please!
-- Best hair color?: I'm a sucker for blonde hair. OTOH, Auburn hair is attractive.
-- Taller or Shorter?: Shorter please :-)
-- Best weight: Skinny girls need not apply. Size 4 and up please. Plus size girls are welcomed too! :-)
-- Best articles of clothing: Sweaters and Fleece.
-- Best first date location: I'll never know.

LAYER TEN: In The Numbers...
-- Number of drugs taken illegally: 0
-- Number of people I could trust with my life: 10/2 = ?
-- Number of CDs that I own: 5 or 6
-- Number of piercings: 0
-- Number of tattoos: 0
-- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: Six times just for being "web editor" of the school newspaper.
-- Number of things in my past that I regret: Not keeping better track of my personal financial affairs, not figuring out what I wanted to do as a career in HS, sticking around Stevens for Fall '02, cutting class in college, screwing up Nassau, becoming bitter, turning down CUNY's Honors College and scholarships, and acting like an elitist jerk-off.

Baise-toi MTA!

2004-05-21T05:40:30Z

New York Times article disussing potential ban on photography.
Subtalk Post discussing issue.

Colere

2004-05-21T05:35:16Z

After spending a nice day in the city in Central Park, Riverside Park, and the Upper West Side, I come home and turn on the news to find out about the MTA's new proposals. The proposals include locking subway storm doors to prevent passengers from moving from one car to another, and allowing police officers to examine your Metrocard's records to see if you've been swiping in passengers. The worst proposal planned affects me the most, a ban on photography except for as the New York Times states, "The press and businesses or individuals with permits".

Before you go rushing off to say, that it's a security concern, let's think about this in a different context. What good would pictures of rolling stock do for a terrorist? Just simply riding the train on a daily basis provides more detailed information. There obviously is a difference between suspicious photography, and railfan photography. Somebody's who photographing inside tunnels and signals or emergency exits is more of a questionable threat than somebody who thinks that rolling stock and station design/architecture is very interesting. Besides, there millions of NYC subway photos that are already in books and websites. In fact, you can purchase a book with track maps and diagrams. So what does banning photography solve? It makes stupid people feel better? It helps to hurt a simple, but so-called weird hobby? Is this some covert government plot to rid society of "weird people"?

Photography is an essential part of railfanning, and of other hobbies. Confusing hobbyists and terrorists is a big mistake, and shows part of why fighting the "War on Terrorism" is very difficult. Did terrorists in Israel or Madrid need photographs to show them where to put a bomb on a train or bus? Suicide bombers have a tendency to just blow themselves up, they don't need extravagant well-thought out plans to attack. In fact, did 9/11 require photography? Nope, it just required learning about habits and routines. They didn't need photos to show them where to blow up planes or what to do. Why would terrorist engage in a high-profile activity such as railfanning?

The silly part about this possible ban is that people would be fined $25. So we're going to fight terrorism by giving out $25 fines? LMAO, why would a $25 fine deter terrorists?

Now, as for the possibility of a permit scheme, I would suspect that NYC Transit and the MTA would be very uninterested in that. MBTA has one of the most successful permit schemes, and railfans are known to respect the MBTA's policies since acquiring a permit is very easy, and not much of a hassle. NYCTA told railfans several months ago that there was a permit policy in place, when none were needed, but when railfans asked for the permits, they were denied these permits.

And if you still don’t understand why the railfan community is complaining, imagine if your favourite hobby or pastime was banned because terrorists could get involved or for security reasons. Imagine, “No more attendance of sporting events or concerts because of terrorism” or "No More Photography", or "No More Painting" or “No Controversial Music” or “No More Pornography” or “No More so-called Anti-American books (books promoting liberals).” These things could easily happen to protect your so-called security. Stopping photography doesn’t stop terrorism. Fighting terrorism, and rounding up terrorists is a much better solution to the problem. Embarking on a foreign policy that involves our closest and most reliable allies and looks for new strategic partners against terrorist organizations is the solution. Going into Iraq only created more problems for us in the long run, and hopefully, we’ll be able to leave the cesspool that we created over there.

Excitant

2004-05-20T06:43:25Z

So what did I end a day of nothingness with? Some time with Trish. Trish and I met up at Old Navy, and we went shopping for some clothes. Shopping with her isn't too bad, she's picky, but she makes shopping fun, and she's not that "does this make me look fat" kind of girl. Of course, she did compliment me on my taste in clothing as well. After shopping, we returned back to her house, and we watched The Client on Showtime. Alan was nice enough to buy us food from A&W.

BTW, A&W kicks ass. Burgers actually resemble what burgers should taste like, and their onion rings are great.

Now, as for my summer plans, I really wonder if I have any. I'll be attending Nassau for one session for English Comp 2 to boost my GPA and to get it over with at the easy school. I'm looking for work, and maybe I'll find something to do part-time. There is a possible trip to Ottawa to see my cousins who have been begging for us to visit them. Especially my cousin Stacey who's spent most of this school year in the hospital because of Sickle-cell anemia. I miss them all, they're like little sisters to me, and my cousin *Yuri* is like my only male friend. As for my friends, I'll see them when they're availible, but hopefully, I'll get to see Amanda, Catherine, Mitsy, and Trish at one point or another. Maybe I'll see other people, or even meet new people during the summer. :-)

Hopefully, I'll fritter less time on the Internet, and I'll get some photography done, and explore some new areas of the NYC Metro area rails. Last summer, I got three lines on NJT done, so hopefully, I'll visit some new scenic areas.

I'll just have to take the plans day by day.

La Politique

2004-05-16T06:53:39Z

Where do you fall on the liberal - conservative political spectrum? (United States)
brought to you by Quizilla

Tristesse

2004-05-12T06:11:23Z

After having to see Americans abuse Iraqi prisoners, now we have footage of an American being beheaded by some terrorist group in revenge for the abuse. I find it very convient that such a a video was released especially when this incident happened a week ago, and that the family had asked the tape not to be released. They're using this man as a tool for propaganda, and to distract the American public from what's really going on in Iraq.

It's sad to see what's going on in Iraq, and the United States and Islamic fundamentalists have used Iraq to pander to their respective supporters and to get more people to support their causes. Hopefully, people will be able to see thru these attempts, and look for the ultimate solution, peace.

Aperçu

2004-05-11T02:01:16Z

</td>

What comes to mind when you hear..
..snow?:	storm
..rain?:	drops
..tornado?:	trailer park
..summer love?:	jealousy and lonlyness
..Jon?:	Stewart
..Mike?:	Tyson
..Shea?:	Mets Suck
..banana?:	dildo
..dizzy?:	my nephew
..Laura?:	hated Steve Urkel
..Juan?:	my barber
..car?:	Saturn
..white?:	white women driving Saturns
..peppermint?:	the little candies my grandmother buys for me
..New Found Glory?:	money!
..placebo?:	nothing
..orange juice?:	Tropicana, Minute Maid is junk
..candid camera?:	what I do to photograph people
..sister?:	Fran
..brother?:	the boy
..hate?:	School hates me
..school?:	I hate school
..President?:	Clinton
..football?:	the French Soccer team :-)
..rap?:	utter crap
..pop?:	some singing whore...
..rock?:	REM
..punk?:	Pink Floyd
..sex?:	Trish...
..death?:	life
..baby?:	my neice Marley
..duuude?:	where's my car
..the end?:	George Bush

The Survey Where You Say The First Word That Comes To Mind. Yay. brought to you by BZOINK!

Jalousie

2004-05-09T07:05:30Z

My mom and I had one of those discussions today, and we stumbled onto photography. Again, my mom bugged me as to why I never bought a digital camera, and I explained how I don't like P&S digicams because of shutter lag and awful focusing. She then chastised me for spending $600 so far on non-digital camera equipment, and for spending god knows how much on film.

We soon stumbled into how so many railfans are taking pictures, and how quite a number are getting praise for their work, while I feel slighted. I can post a link to some recently scanned photos, and I won't get any response. I almost stopped since I wasn't receiving any response from anybody. It's rather obvious that I am jealous of other people's photography, and how it sometimes is much better than what I've done. Am I spiteful, quite possibly. I'm the kind of person to hate you if you can do something better than me, and I'll probably be resentful for many years. (Upon your graduation, and acceptance of a better job, I probably will learn to hate you too)

So of course, my mom reassures me about my photography skills, and of course urges me to take a photo class. She continues to reminds me how my friends and family like my photos. Then, she warns me about being jealous and spiteful of other people, and of course, that I should just try harder (which is relatively easy when you don't suck at everything). Then she reminds me that my photography is for me, and it's something that I enjoy. It's not something I do to appease other people, but it's my attempt at something artistic.

BTW, what the fuck am I good at? I've spent nearly 20 years of my life, and I still don't know what I'm good at. Well besides screwing up shit for various people, I should be able to do something rather decently. Amanda has journalism and Catherine has poetry, but what do I have?